My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
