Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
