so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
