I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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