Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
