I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
