3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
