I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
