That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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