Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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