I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
