help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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