me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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