i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
