I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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