i think my mom watched the whole time
this beer tastes like vomit already
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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