could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
