fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
