thus making me awesome and them whores
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize