Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
