WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize