it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
