apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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