I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sorry about my life...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
