he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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