Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize