omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
