i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize