Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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