i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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