Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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