Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
