Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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