i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
