I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
