I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
