In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
