this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
