I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
