I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
