I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
