When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
