I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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