i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize