The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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