i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
