OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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