The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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