another moral hangover. fuck.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize