Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
