The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
