I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
