My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
