new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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