My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
