I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
