he quoted the bible to break up with me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
