i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
