Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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