he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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