Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
did you just send me my own nude
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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