She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
