I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
