The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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