remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
