My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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