don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
