She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
