There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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