was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
