how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
