If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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