she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
