You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
