My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
