Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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