so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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