Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
