i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
