You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
