"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
