Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
