she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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