Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
