I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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