i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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