did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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