I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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