she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
