the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
