How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
