I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
