he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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