chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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