she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
