When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
