I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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