woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
